Okay..now I just need people to actually READ this thing..

You know, it's tough trying to be kind of anonymous, but still somehow get your blog out there and read. So I've decided to go public. Kind of. For all of you who just got a message from me giving you the link to my blog..well, just know that this isn't easy for me. And that I'm trusting that you won't judge too harshly.
So I was thinking, and I came to the conclusion that people aren't just going to get on here and want to hear me rant day after day about how horrible, miserable, pointless, and painful life is. So I'm going to try REAALLLY hard not to. I want this blog to be more about me on a journey to wellness. To happiness. To actually wanting to get out of bed in the morning? Somehow, it's so much easier to type this all out, even if anyone can read it, then to go to the people I'm closest to and tell them the same things I'm writing about here. Weird, right? Maybe not so much..
So my journey starts here. I just got elected to the office of Democratic Precint Committeeperson of Precint 132. Here's how that happened...there were no people who had put themselves up for election so you could either leave it blank or write someone in. My parents, almost as a joke, both wrote me in and so I decided to write myself in aswell. Next thing I know, I'm getting this official letter in the mail telling me all about my new post, if I accept (which I did. You have to sign for it and mail it back). So there it is. I am the voice for the democrats of Precinct 132. Pretty exciting, huh? From what I read, I go to all these meetings, participate in important votes and discussions, and, well, I guess that's it. But I always wondered if maybe I wanted a career in politics so I guess this will be the perfect time to find out. It gets me out of the house, anyway.
Like many mentally ill people, I take medication. At this point-please don't think I'm crazy, I'm taking an anti-depressant, two mood stabilizers-it's a long story, an anti-anxiety, an antacid, and a muscle relaxant for my tmj. Yes, I certainly do have plenty of problems. To sum them all up, from head to toe, here goes: Migraine headaches, TMJ, allergies and chronic sinus infections, a eustacian tube-that does from your ear to the back of your throat-that likes to get clogged and infected, but I haven't had problems with that in awhile, acid reflux-I've had a couple ulcers, Fibro Myalghia (spelling?), irritable bowel syndrome though that was much worse when I was younger, a hormonal imbalance-I've had at least one cyst on an ovary, a touch of dyskinesia as a side effect from a medication I once took, and a skin condition. Those don't even touch on the mental issues. But I'll save that for another day. It's really not all as bad as it sounds. But it's really easy to get wrapped up in it and feel sorry for myself.
Anyways..moving on. Health insurance. It brings up all kinds of different feelings in people these days. We lost ours-or rather, since my dad went on disability and the price went from $40, to $400, to $1400 which we were paying, but then it went up to $1700, and the only reason we were getting by was because my dad has four amazing sisters who were supporting us financially-which kills my dad, he feels he should be taking care of them, but anyways, once they raised it the last time, we stopped paying. It was too much. My dad got insurance with the VA because he's a veteran, and my brother soon got on the Oregon health plan because he's only 15, but my mom and I, well, we're kind of stuck in limbo and things aren't getting any better. We just don't have the money.
In the mean time, we're getting treatment-what little treatment we get, from the county. The last time I went in to see a mental health specialist and I needed a refil on one of my meds, she told me that none of the doctors that worked there felt comfortable overseeing my treatment because of the group of medications I'm on, which doesn't make any sense because I'd been to see my regular doctor there at least three times to get refills on medications and she knew from the get-go what I was taking and she never said a word. But anyways, the mental health specialist told me that she would refill it this time, but that I had to call and get a referal for some other psychiatrist, who I have to get in to see within the month-damn near impossible, because she won't give me another refill. Because she doesn't feel comfortable doing so. WHY DIDN'T THESE PEOPLE MENTION THIS SOONER! I've been making calls to try to get this referal and I feel like they're dragging me around in circles! I'm frusterated, I'm depressed, and now I'm just plain pissed off.
Fortunatly, I have amazing parents who advocate for me. I don't know what I'd do without them. What would I do without them? There are so many people-young and old out there getting screwed around by the health care system and it's innexcusible. It makes me sick.
I'm just hoping I can get this referal, stick to my meds and keep my head up.
Here's to hoping..

Oh! By the way..I'm getting ready to sign up for school in the fall. It'll just be at a community college for now but hey, I've got to start somewhere. And last time I was in school, I did sooo much better. I was happy. I want to get back to that. Plus my best friend is going back with me. An added bonus. Just one question...if I don't get financial aid, how the hell am I going to pay for all this? With the health stuff and the meds and now school and books..I just have to find a way to make this work.